thepissedkitty

Not posting here, just sharing the Link of the Day: YouTube’s LASAGNA CAT.
Scratch that, you can view the strips in chronological order on a better viewer at lasagnacat.com. Not that I have bad 80’s nostalgia, or anything but…

Where has this guy been all my life? (Apparently at ComicCon, boy did I miss out.) Is this performance art, reenacting lame Garfield strips in front of a live audience? And then a pretty much unrelated music video, for no reason? I certainly hope so. Here is my favorite.

He has the Jon hair down to a science, although Garfield looks strangely deflated. I kind of like him this way. I also have no idea why I thought Garfield was so funny, other than a) I was eight, b) everyone was doing coke, and c) I still think Odie, Lyman, and Nermal are totally hilarious. Especially the one where Garfield steps on a food bowl and thocks himself in the face, for some reason. Plus you know there’s some obscure off-color Garfields back before Jim Davis was famous for producing 1 book every 9 mos. or whatever - seemed like forever in those days because I was a pre-pubescent adolescent and couldn’t wait for that crap to come out. I also owned every Garfield plush (possibly two of each) and goddammit, I still love lasagna.

But no, I will not see the hideous CGI nightmare that was Garfield: The Movie, starring Jennifer Love Hugetits, i.e. Squinky Eye with Dead Rodent for a Hairdo. That would be blasphemy.

Quote of the Day: I’m using the CAT BRUSH!!!

Sad news, folks.

Planter’s Cheez Balls, like eventually everything else I enjoy, consume, or use, have been discontinued. Apparently for some time now. I will terribly miss this snack product, though my slightly re-emergent waistline will not. I used to eat a whole can of these suckers. They had this vacuum-packed metal lid thingy which was, by the way, very dangerous, especially when you had your arm in the thing up to the elbow. Major risk of arterial spray, or at least, getting cheese fuzz up to your elbow.

By the way, here is a picture of Cranky, er, Ernest Hemingway, feeding a Cheeto to my dog:

Note: Cheeto pictured is not actual Cheeto; it is a 100% organic, food-grade, free-range dog cheeto.

This photo was rejected by the LA Times website for “Animals Behaving Badly”. Maybe it was too phallic? Maybe a Cheez Ball would have worked better? (Daaaaamn yooooou, Planters, this is all YOUR fault!)…but probably not.

Site of the Day: Anything but Planters.com, which by the way contains no information about the ill-fated Cheez Ball.

Quote of the Day: Screw Mr. Peanut and his blind a** with his cane.
-Anonymous user, #24, found here.

Sob…where have alllll the cheez balls gone? Sing it, Joni…I am gonna have to put a Ding Dong in the blender with vodka and drink it, just to deal. Or maybe rum would be better…?

Eat crappy diet food for a while. It does, in fact, “change your taste buds,” but not as purported in the I-only-like-healthy-things-now way. No, you will still gain back all the weight (and then some), but it makes you realize real food tastes ah-maze-ing. OMG, crappuccino with full-fat half-and-half and Midnight Moo, where have you been all my life? It’s like a vegan’s wet dream…ahem. Sorry vegs.

Other bad thoughts: I call Tulip, i.e. Honky Goose, i.e. my dog - and Bosco, i.e. Beaskieskeeskee, i.e…nevermind, anyway, I call them “weenies”. No they are not weenie dogs, they are just…weenies. So this morning, fueled by the above beverage, pit stank, and unemployment, I went around singing, You Are the Wind Beneath my Weenie. Which is not to say, weiner, i.e. wang, i.e. schlong…I got in big trouble in the 7th grade for saying schlong…by the way, don’t click that, not safe for work…you did? Oops…er…i.e. weenus. It is to say, you are the wind…beneath my dog. It’s very spiritual, in its way.

What?

Quote of the Day (besides: you are the wind beneath my weenie):
My scrotum is longer than my penis!
-Jack Black character in MARGOT AT THE WEDDING

Link of the Day: See how many TV/movie quotes contain the word “scrotum”. More than you would think-! Wow.

In typical unpoopular opinionated form, I hate Sex in the City. This is perhaps why I watched it - I obviously enjoy being annoyed.

Out of all of the girls, I guess I can relate to Samantha the best, because although she annoys me, men try to do weird things to me sometimes, and I probably tolerate it more than I should. Er. I hate Carrie because I want her ex-boyfriend who she was mean to, OK, I don’t really want him, I just want his dog and his house in the woods. I hate Miranda second-to-last because she’s just a dick sometimes, a really uptight dick. And Charlotte, I cannot stand Charlotte, she is just too precious with her wonky eye and her Cavalier King Charles Whatever overbred puppy mill spaniel (hey, she kind of looks like one! I met one once and he had seizures twice a day where he would shriek and paw at the air around his head. Just like Charlotte, except her eyes just bug out and her mouth hangs open) and her husband who looks at the same time like a penis and a giant baby. Disturbing.

Annoying Charlotte with typical dumb look on her face….if you do a Google Image search for “Kristen [sic] Davis,” you will find her with something else on her face.
Showing off her wonky eye to its best advantage.

By the way, off-topically, you should totally rent the bad 80’s movie, Mannequin. Not only is a friend of mine and also Andrew “Whatever Happened To…?” McCarthy in it, but the mannequin is played by Kim Cattrall, aka Samantha. Who by the way, hasn’t aged one iota. It’s really sort of spooky.

Was just reading the movie review over at the delightful Schindermania (and Schinders, I wish I’d known you were going, because I couldn’t think of any girls to go with who would want to see it and who don’t annoy me, themselves!) Still haven’t seen the flick, but the review made me smile and recall my favorite mistake, i.e. “outfit”, worn by Carrie on the TV show, involving:

-a half-shirt
-a bra (whose cups you can see hanging halfway out of the half-shirt)
-a belt (worn over her bare midsection)
-pants (I don’t remember the pants because I was too horrified by the exposed bra cups and the belt worn for NO REASON)
-shoes, ditto, but I’m sure they were ugly

Ah, SJP, i.e. Dee Snider of Twisted Sister w/ a sex change…how I miss you and your bad clothing and relationship choices.

I’ve been busy writing content for websites. I have NO idea where this goes.
I do funny stuff when the cable goes out.

Also I’ve been perusing craigslist for student-friendly work. So far, nada, although the proposal to review porn sounds intriguing. Doesn’t pay squat though, although it might be worth it considering a) I review pr0n for free, depending who leaves what lying around, and b) I don’t see a minimum word requirement. I’m sure there is one, though, otherwise all my reviews would say, “ooh. Aah. What is that? A rash?! Also, all the ‘actors’ sound like they are faking. I don’t see how this could be in any way pleasurable,” etc.

In other news: oh MAN, this dog’s breath stinks. Oh, wait.
That wasn’t his breath.

As opposed to just kicking it…I hereby vow to post every day whether I like it or not.
I hereby vow to post every day whether YOU like it or not-! At least, until I start my Fall classes.

Scattered, but ever persistent and annoying thoughts o’ mine:

-I hate Yelp.com.

-FIVE. FIVE DOLLAR. FIVE DOLLAR FOOTLOOOOOOONGS.

-Having spent a startling amount of timewasting on Facebook, I am ever increasingly alarmed about how I seem to be stuck in some sort of time warp whereas others are out and about, moving on with their lives, accomplishing things, and marrying people. Also, there seems to be some sort of rash of other human beings popping out their vajayjays. So, watch out.

-My mom called this morning, upset that the dentist told her she now needs dentures, and is trying to get her head around that. I said, “why don’t you think about quitting smoking while you’re in there.” I am an asshole.

-In other teeth-related issues, I have a nasty cat bite. Again. Why I keep putting my hand in or near that cat’s mouth is beyond me. I should probably just stand in the other room and pet him through a hole in the wall with a glove on a stick.

-FIVE.

-These carnivorous wasps? That carry off the cat food? Also alarming.

-FIVE DOLLAR.

-Why are Issac Hayes/Bernie Mac/that other guy dead? It seems like they were alive just the other day.

-I have decided, this is my last week of f!@#ing off. Which might preclude the whole daily posting thing, but I gotta buy cat food. And gritty kitty litter. And more cat food. For the wasps.

-FIVE DOLLAR FOOTLOOOOONNNGS.

-Damn those darn catchy advertisements.

Five dolla’. You give me five dolla’, soldierboy.

Bored and studying for my Health final…

Two thoughts about teh hep (not at all politically correct):

“Hepatitis A, a less serious form, is generally transmitted by…primarily fecal contamination. Among those at highest risk in the United States are children and staff at day-care centers, residents of institutions for the mentally handicapped…and workers who handle primates such as monkeys.”

What are they SAYING?! And, no wonder I don’t like monkeys. I mean, I don’t want anything bad to happen to the monkeys; I want them to be very happy, in the jungle, far, far away from me. I just don’t like animals that close to humans, because like humans, they throw poo.

Ahem.

“There is controversy over whether [Hepatitis C] also can be transmitted sexually.” Yeah, right, Pamela Anderson.

Huh, huh huh. Hep-a-TIT-us.

I’m real mature.

Source: An Invitation to Health, Brief Fifth Edition by Diane Hales.