thepissedkitty

A doctor tagged me…a doctor! (I don’t know why I’m always so surprised that smart people are even speaking to me…without an appointment!)

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

(I may or may not actually follow the rules, you know.)

1. I am not grossed out by dead people. Just feet. And, yeah, dead feet are extra gross…but not animal feet. OK, maybe chicken feet, especially dim sum chicken feet (crunchy!) Er, I’m sure they’re very delicious, just…no.

2. I used to have an eating disorder, but now I’m just a food obsessive.

3. I can no longer really stay awake through a whole movie. It’s embarrassing.

4. Have been unemployed, save for a week or so temping, for almost a year. Also embarrassing. So is the fact that I can’t really spell “embarrassing” as it always looks wrong. Maybe this is why I went back to school.

5. I know a famous groupie, but am not one. If I could have been one, I cannot say for which groups as my musical taste is also embarrassing (late 80’s - bad hair, which I still secretly think looks good on men).

6. I have not had a haircut in almost as long as I’ve been unemployed, which may have something to do with my being unemployed. So today I was looking into a new stylist, as the only person who could ever really cut my hair no longer cuts hair. Unfortunately, she had posted a picture on her salon’s website. She has a bowl cut, people. A BOWL CUT. (She also claims that she recently saw APOCALYPTO, which made her fascinated with “Mayan” hair cuts - wha?! I didn’t know Mayans HAD haircuts.) I cannot possibly get a haircut from this person…I know stylists are eccentric, but my mom forcibly bowl-cutted me back in the late 70’s/early 80’s and I’m still getting over it (and the forcible poodle-perm/mullet combo). I refuse to believe that the stylist’s freaky ‘do will not somehow end up on your head. You know they want to.

Damn you, Dorothy Hamill…! I’m going back to my regular girl, with the variations on pink and black skunky extensions, as this seems a safer bet.

I tag uh…anyone who wants to be tagged (because I am a wuss).

I got a big birthday boil on my butt. I think it’s a pressure sore from all the sitting on hard assed stools (chair, stools - not stool, stools) in class. (I put some stool softener on them but it didn’t work.)

I have to take chem and some of my classmates are still high school students. They irritate the crap out of me and now I have to take the stool softener.

That’s about it, other than thirty four sucks. Don’t even make any jokes, because I have the sex drive of banana slug in a bag of potato chips.

I don’t know what that means.

Now I have to go write a report on thermodynamics, and I don’t know what that means, either.

Sometimes I wish I were Anna Nicole Smith, except, not dead. Being vapid, yet loaded (in every sense of the word) sounds pretty good right now.

The only good thing about being back in school at 34 and not sitting at a desk reading imdB and TMZ crap intermittently: I have no idea who anyone is anymore. The Hills? Lauren Conrad? Other than the most boring assed bland blond w/ no lips I have seen since that Diane Lane chick? Nope, nothing. Stupid Bimbo O the Week does not even register.

I see commercials with these people in them, and think: am I supposed to know who that is? Because I have no earthly idea why they are showing that person or why that would make me want to buy something. I like not knowing, or needing to know, these lame starf*ckers anymore. I do, however, need to know about pig ear notching, how many teats a she-goat has, and how to tell when your cow is in heat. Still, that’s…useful.

Now I’m going to pee the dogs and try to find some fossil to lance my butt boil. I am, as ever, teh sexxx.

By the way, I have sampled those macaroni bites from Jack in the Crack since the last posting. They are freakin’ amazing, but not amazing as the potato and bacon (which I do not eat) bites. Holy crap.

I haven’t really wanted to eat anything animal since visiting the farm last week, but my stomach and my unemployment keep getting in the way of my vegetarianism. If someone would just buy me a vat of Quorn…

Two smells I have not been able to get out of my head: the goats at school (male) and the sick kid in my chem class. Apparently, testosterone, once it kicks in, makes things much STINKIER. The male goats smelled like goat cheese that had been left out in the hot sun, in a Port-O-Potty, in Tijuana, for a week. The kid, he just smelled like he’d been eating bad food and drinking sickly sweet Gatorade for about a month without showering. I can’t deal with even the memory of either, can almost taste it, and feel like I’m about to throw up. Or it could just be all the fried food. Or, I’ve been knocked up by space aliens. Take your pick.

I wonder if the baby will look like a) a goat, b) elbow macaroni, and/or c) Grape Ape. Or all three, one for each head. I also think I should start taking interesting medication, or stop eating cheese right before bed.

My only real original thoughts of late, considering the classes I just started combined with the job search (fruitless unless you consider sign twirler, nit picker - no lie - or “bathroom valet” to be viable forms of employment. Oh yeah, and, GO TEAM LATRINE! Gotta give ‘em points for the biz name.)

(But no, really. Those people always piss me off, because I don’t feel like I should have to tip them just because they are standing in the restroom (P.U.) and they offer me a towel when I finish using the sink. Then I feel guilty.)

Anyway, discuss:

1) Diane Lane. Possibly the most boring actress ever. Even her name is boring. Why is she getting jobs, even? So that other WASPy, skinny, bland-looking people will have someone to relate to? Am I missing something here…?

2) I went into a Jack in the Crack to buy a couple dog burgers, and what did I see? Fried “CHEESY MACARONI BITES“. As if their Sirloin-and-Cheese-Fried-Tater-Tot burrito nightmare (read: delicious) wasn’t proof enough that the fast food industry is trying to kill us.

I had a point, I just lost it. Can’t stop thinking about that fried cheese.
Maybe, if they fried Diane Lane, I might find her interesting, too.